JOURNAL NO. 17

F. Scott Fitzgerald’s piece, “Babylon Revisited” offers me a range of thoughts. Initially, I viewed Charlie as a man who came back to a place he had once known. He’s asking his old bartender about the people he used to know and hang out with, seeing how their lives are going and if they’ve gotten any better than they once were. It just doesn’t really seem as though Charlie really cares about what his old friends have been up to. 

What I find especially interesting about this story and Charlie’s time in Paris throughout the story is that it’s a story of his return. His return after everything had changed — the loss of his wife, his daughter, his path to sobriety, Charlie coming back to Paris as a brand new man is something I don’t think I’ve read about yet. 

With Hemingway, he doesn’t seem to really discuss how he had changed over time and how his idea or view on Paris changed with him. I don’t really think I’ve written about that either…which, now thinking about it, is actually pretty strange. 

Obviously I don’t have a wife that has just died and I didn’t just spend a couple years trying to get over my alcohol addiction. However, thinking about the person I was days before my arrival in Paris and comparing that person to who I am now, I just know I’ve grown into a whole new person. 

I know this blog post isn’t supposed to be this personal, but reading “Babylon Revisited” kind of sparked something personal for me. I now am thinking about what Paris will be like the next time I come here. As much as I want to come back to Paris as soon as possible, I just don’t think that’s realistic. I have to work, finish up school, save money, get some type of real job, and pretty much just grow up before I can live here again. And I don’t want to…I don’t want to grow up and come to Paris and not have it be the same as it is now. I want to come back to Paris, live in 31 Rue Duret, with the same people, with the same schedule, living the same life. I want to go to Le Zig Zag and walk home on the Champs-Elysses at 4 am. I want to wake up at 2 pm on Tuesdays and force myself to do school work. There’s just something so perfectly balanced about my life here. I go out, I go to school, I do school work and I sit around watching netflix, and its all completely even. 

This all brings me to thinking about Charlie and how he feels about the Paris he used to know. I can’t help but think that some of his anxieties are coming from his yearning for the past. His desire to go back to the way things were before he, and maybe his wife, messed everything up. I know a lot of his anxiety is coming from his ability to prove himself, to prove he’s changed and to prove he’s capable of taking care of his daughter. I just find it easiest to relate to the desire for the past.